I'm Glad They Called Me on a Mission!

This past Sunday I had a friend ask me about how I decided to serve a mission. I often ponder on how much my mission has affected me. I grew up with a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but my own personal insecurities hindered my ability to truly allow that testimony to take deep, personal root. I always knew, intellectually, that the principles and doctrines taught in the scriptures and by living prophets were true; however, looking back I think I never really had a deep, down-in-my-heart conversion of certain, necessary truths.

Anyway, in the last couple years I was at BYU my behavior began to deviate from what I knew was right and appropriate. I found myself in a pretty dark place relative to what I was accustomed to growing up; I had been raised in a Celestial home, and I had allowed myself to detour to a terrestrial plane. The darker my own soul became the more I pulled away from my family. My older brother noticed the darkness and distance, and he reached out and pulled me back in. I will always be grateful for my elder brother who wouldn’t let me fall. Following his counsel I sought out the spiritual and temporal help I needed. As I began to heal and overcome my debilitating insecurities, I began making exponential progress back to the light I had once known, and beyond to greater depths of light and conversion that I had not before experienced. I am eternally grateful for my elder Brother Who would not let me fall, an elder Brother Who had the power to heal all my wounds, an elder Brother Who could give me a new heart, and an elder Brother whose love and peace surpassed anything I could or can comprehend.

As I drew closer to the Light and Love of my Heavenly Father I felt prompted to serve a mission. Despite my lack of desire to be a missionary, and my fear of serving in that capacity, I acted on that prompting and began pursuing that course. Taking those steps to serve as a missionary brought the peaceful confirming feelings of the Spirit that this path was right, and that witness gave me the strength for the next couple years to follow through with my decision.

I won’t try to avoid the fact that those eighteen months were extremely difficult and that there were times I felt like giving up, but ultimately those months rooted me in the gospel of Jesus Christ and helped me gain the deep, down-in-my-heart conversion I had lacked. My mission acted as the rebar for the foundation of testimony laid by my parents. Elder Nelson said in October 2012 Conference, “The decision to serve a mission will shape the spiritual destiny of the missionary, his or her spouse, and their posterity for generations to come.” Although I have yet to marry and have a family, I know that my mission has changed the course of my life, and therefore has shaped the destiny of my future family. I have experienced, as Malachi declared, the refining fire of the Lord (Malachi 3: 2-3). I have felt the reality of Isaiah’s witness that, “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40: 31). I have experienced the power of the Savior’s promise when He lovingly instructed, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

And so it began...

My path to a mission was neither expected nor easy, but the effects will be eternal. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know that He lives. I know that I am beloved of my Heavenly Father; we are each His children and we are known and loved individually by our God.

And so...

...

...it ends *sniff*

Polls, Parties and Politics, oh my!

I'm so grateful to live in a nation of freedom, a nation established on principles of "liberty and justice for all." The past couple elections I have voted via absentee ballots, so this year was my first experience with the polls. I knew where I was supposed to be and when, and my friend and I planned on going early to get a prime spot in line. We met up a little before 7 am Tuesday morning and were quickly ushered through. As I filled out and prepared to submit my ballot a curious feeling stole over me. It was a similar feeling to when I bear my testimony of the gospel of Christ. I felt a little nervous, but I felt that the Lord was pleased that I was there, doing my civic duty, trying to make a difference in this world. I cast my vote! And felt so happy! Regardless of the outcome, I knew I had done my part. It felt awesome to participate.

That evening a group of friends came over to my house to watch the outcome of the election unfold. We made a good ol' American dinner: steak, mashed potatoes, asparagus and brownies. As the stress of the evening mounted and the disappointment hit when Mitt Romney conceded the election I felt several emotions vying for my attention. Initially I was grateful for the foundation I have in the gospel of Jesus Christ; that testimony acts as an "anchor to my soul" (Ether 12:4), and gives me stability regardless of the vicissitudes of life. I was grateful to know that this little world of ours isn't just hanging out in the middle of some vast universe, but rather we are under the vigilant and loving eye of a Creator, Who has a plan, Who knows what is happening and is guiding the course of this earth and its people. I was disheartened and disappointed in our nation; I couldn't understand how people could be so blind to the problems that have arisen because of what President Obama had initiated in his first term in office. Why would we want to continue in the downward spiral we are on? And I don't know if Mitt Romney could have done much to mitigate the trials our nation is facing, but we already know the President's track record, and it boggled my mind that people could reinstate him as President. This may sound dramatic, but all I could think of was the verse of scripture from Helaman 5:2, "For as their laws and their governments were established by the voice of the people, and they who chose evil were more numerous than they who chose good, therefore they were ripening for destruction, for the laws had become corrupted." I see this happening; I see our laws being perverted from the values and principles they first incorporated. We live in an ever degenerating world, and it hurts my soul to see people voting for leaders and laws that undermine righteousness.

I don't mean for this to be read in a hateful tone. I will continue to pray for my leaders, for this nation, for those in the military, and the world as a whole. I believe that Christ will return to the earth as He promised in the scriptures. I believe that we have a responsibility to prepare the way for His coming. I yearn for the time when He comes and peace may be brought to this world. I love how Isaiah puts it when he writes, "The whole earth is at rest, and is quiet: they break forth into singing" (Isaiah 14:7). That day will come. I may not always agree with the political leaning of our great nation, but we are still a great nation; this is still a land of liberty. I am proud to be an United States citizen! I'm proud to have voted! May God bless America!

ATTACK!!

My company recently moved our corporate office to a new building. The layout of this new structure is a two story square. All the offices are on the perimeter of the square; in the center is a large, open area. This atrium is where the receptionist desk is located. On the second level, ringing my desk is an open balcony.

Anyone with even a single devious bone in their body would perceive my apprehension in sitting at such a prime target, I mean, desk.

Apparently the IT guys at work have multiple devious bones in their body...

Shortly after settling into my new target...doh! I mean, desk, I was innocently going about my responsibilities when I was nearly killed by a well aimed missile disguised as a piece of candy corn! I looked up to see one of the boys ducking guiltily into his office above me. After shooting him a nasty glare, shaking my fist briefly, and calling up a hollow threat I went back to work, but a little voice in my head warned that this was merely the beginning...

Ever since I've been plagued by incoming candy corn! But the worst of it is that the attack is catching on. The HR lady, the CFO, random people from Accounting... I new it was bad when a piece of candy corn whizzed past my head, and I looked up to see the President of the company looking down on me, laughing. What?? Did he really just throw a missile of death at me? Yes, yes he did.

And so goes my life at work: dodging the random debris of candy and water bottles that gets lobbed at me from above...Yay (absolutely NO sarcasm dripping from that exclamation...)!

The Cutting Edge:

So over the weekend my coworker got a hair cut. From the front it looked really cute. I complimented her, and she gave me a rather flat look in response. Upon probing as to the reason for her obvious annoyance with her hair I discovered that what looked nice from the front was, well, not-so-hot in back. Kind of like a mullet, only the back wasn't no party! Poor thing. Whoever cut her hair had cut a wedge out of it at the nape of her neck. Unfortunately her hair is short enough that to properly fix her hair requires growing it out for a bit, but I told her that I could at least help to even out the area so it wasn't such a blatant mistake. 

Hope began to shine in her eyes... and I pulled out a pair of scissors to restyle the back of her hair. And in case you were asking yourself, "Wait, you're at an office; were you using paper scissors to cut her hair?" the answer is yes. *Shrug* I do what I can! There are two other girls in that office, and they offered their input as to how best fix her hair. Just as I was proceeding to snip away, the president of our company walked in the room. Great. He stopped, looked a little confused, asked if I was using paper scissors, shook his head, and walked out laughing. Well, Frank was the first of many who came in and laughed in the two minute time frame that it took to remedy my coworker's poor hair problem. It was certainly an interesting couple of minutes! 

Ever since, I have had the funniest desire to watch Edward Scissors Hands...

Light

Yesterday morning when I woke up I took a few minutes to just sit and look out my window. I was looking specifically at this one tree across the street from my apartment complex; it is a huge tree with broad foliage. At this point in the year the leaves are a mixture of yellows and browns. The lighting when I first started studying this tree lacked impressionability. Then I noticed something wonderful was happening: the sun started to crest the mountains; as the sun rose higher the leaves started to ignite with light starting from the outer edges and slowly creeping to fill each leaf. This tree, which only moments before had been rather lackluster, now was stunningly beautiful glittering in the early morning's light.

As I watched this process occur I began to ponder on the application of this scene to my life. People are much like this tree: we are creations of God, indeed we are His children. As such we have an inherent beauty and divinity in our physical form. However, like this tree, when we are filled with light we become immeasurably more beautiful. Literally, the Holy Ghost enhances everything about us:

"The gift of the Holy Ghost...quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys,  tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, and gives tones to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being" (Key to the Science of Theology, 9th ed. [1965], 101).

Watching this tree was a poetically beautiful reminder that we are children of light; that "trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our Home" (William Wordsworth, Ode: Imitations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood (1884), 23-24). 

"Fall is the year's last, loveliest smile:"

I love the changing seasons! For the first fifteen years of my life I lived in Houston, Texas. There we experienced few definitive seasonal changes; mostly it was just hot. Really hot. Then, for a time it would drop and get chilly. I don't remember splendid fall colors, nor do I recall prolonged, chipper spring times. Those two seasons were always short-lived and lackluster. And snow? Forget it. We had some pretty epic ice storms, but that was the closest thing I ever really experienced to snow. But then we moved to Colorado...and everything changed! Seasons became more substantial, and were distinctively differentiated from each other. And I fell in love.

Over the years I have come to appreciate more and more the changes in the seasons. Their opposing natures bring out the beauties of each in their turn. Each season carries with it a special spirit:

Spring brings a wealth of hope, and the whole world seems to be chipper, vibrant, AWAKE, and just young and fresh! This opening season carries with it the renewal and strength of awakening from a deep and rejuvenating sleep. Spring is hopeful in a way that no other season can claim.

Summer matures a little. It is warm, inviting and fun. Yet with that you also have to endure the heat of the summer; there are trials, hardships, sweat and work. The innocence and vibrancy of Spring weary under the toil and dust of summer. But Summer fortifies and strengthens the early and rapid growth of Spring. The Summer is refining in a way that no other season can claim.

That growing maturity deepens with the coming of fall. Fall seems to hold a spirit of wisdom and understanding. The world sobers as it starts to resign itself to falling asleep for a season, but it knows it's not quite finished. Fall brings forth a glory of color and beauty that is brief, but stunning and wonderful. Such is the beauty of one that is refined by trials well met and overcome. Fall is peaceful in a way that no other season can claim.

And then follows Winter. A time when the world is allowed to rest and sleep for a time. This is a season for regaining strength, a season to simply BE. It is a quiet time; a time to just be still and ponder and reflect and prepare for a new bout of life. Winter is still and pensive in a way that no other season can claim.

I didn't always see the beauty to winter or summer; I just felt the intense heat and bitter cold. But I have come to value those times, now. Those seasons help me see greater beauty in both spring and fall.

All summer I have been trying to go hike up the canyon to Cascade Saddle. It's a twelve mile hike, and most people were daunted by that number and refused to accompany me on a grand adventure. Fortunately I have a mother who is a kindred spirit, and I knew she would indulge in an adventure! So finally we found a Saturday when we both had time, we packed some sustenance and a camera and sallied forth! Dad was able to come part way with us, but had to return early. Mom and I pressed on! I'm so glad that I was denied the pleasure of this hike earlier in the year, because when we finally were able to go the world was radiantly smiling, "the year's last, loveliest smile" (William C Bryant). As Anne of Avonlea said, "I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers!"

My wonderful parents, and a couple of my best friends! 

We started hiking early, so literally every minute the light would change; the colors were so vibrant and constantly deepening or catching glimmers of light differently. It was pretty magical. 

Sorry about the weird glare spot...but still, I love this photo. It was awesome to hike up out of the trees and get to the point where we were higher, looking back down on the valley we had just traversed. 

The path was totally covered in leaves almost the whole way. At one point the wind really came down through the canyon, and mom and I just stopped in wonder: we were being rained upon by gorgeous leaves. It honestly looked like beautiful, yellow, glittering rain. The sound was just as stunning as the visual. 

So many colors; photos just don't do that day justice! 

So glad we went on this fantastic fall adventure! Being out in God's beautiful world is so cathartic. In the scriptures we often read about Prophets ascending up into the Mountain of the Lord. Days like this day, hiking in that splendor, away from the noise and chaos of the "world," I really feel the analogy of the Mountain's being symbolic of the temple of the Lord- places of peace, of healing, of sanctification. I'm grateful for such holy places. I'm grateful to live in a world of changing seasons. 

  

A Beginning:

In the words of the Joker: "and here...we...GO!"

I've been contemplating starting a blog for a while now, and something inside me finally snapped; so here I sit, starting out on a new venture. I can't promise that this will be particularly fascinating to anyone, but I hope that in writing out some of my own random musings those who care may gain greater insight to who I am and what I'm all about.